Posted by: michelezanini | April 15, 2013

On course

I have two months of the full antibiotic regime under my belt. I have not noticed a change for the better, at least not yet! It has been suggested that if these meds are killing the right bacteria I should begin to feel some change at the five to six month mark. It is somewhat discouraging to admit, if anything I feel weaker. Lots of love and laughter keep me well. Most frustrating is I continue to live with hip/back/butt/groin pain. I am on painkillers but it appears they can only do so much. Daily struggle with movement ensues however the feeling that I am doing something provides me with hope that this bacteria may be part of the reason for the MS symptoms.

The source of my pain is a saga unto itself. My CTScan showed a healthy hip but significant lower lumbar disc degeneration compared to my test from a couple of years ago. I am and have been waiting for 2 months to hear from an MSK specialist. Apparently 8-12 week wait time is normal. If I don’t hear soon, the pain in my arse may make me become a pain in someone else’s rear end.

This journey is challenging. Clearly my patience is being tested; especially now that the antibiotic treament means I cannot have my dinner-time glass of red wine. Those who know me well, understand this sacrifice! Sans my favourite drug I need to remain focussed on the joys of life. I want to have better health but I cannot let it keep me from being happy. I need to continue finding ways to live a meaningful life, even if it isn’t the one I had hoped for. My loving friends and family, and my faith provide me with the strength needed to adapt and change. My ever busy mind provides me with questions and new ways to find goals and purpose. My spirit and my soul continue to wrestle with changing what I can and finding peace with destiny. The meaning to life is not an easy premise even for those with excellent health but then again, aren’t we all a “work in progress”?

I think Viktor Frankl hit the nail on the head, “for the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person’s life at a given moment.”

Make every moment count!




  1. Dear Michele,

    Oh how I relate to your comment concerning the loss of that simple pleasure, a glass of wine in the evening. That single glass of exquisite flavour that was crafted from a fresh fruit grown under warm glowing sun on slopes in far exotic places is so much more than just a drink. It connects the drinker to that foreign culture, to the sunny climate, to the history of family traditions of wine making skills. The loss of that single glass is almost immeasurable psychologically, emotionally and spiritually. The action of sharing a glass of wine is to connect with your fellow man in a long established traditional of shared commaradary and companionship, it brings us into the present
    Into fellowship, we forget briefly our differences, our pain.

    I pray that your treatment will soon include again that glass of wine!

    Sent from my iPad

  2. Michelle,

    Thanks for the update, my apologies for the much delayed reply.

    I cannot even begin to understand the difficulties you go through on a daily basis. I do understand the loss of one of life’s pleasures, it is difficult indeed. Hopefully, this is worth it and a year from now the loss of your wine is but a forgotten memory.


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