Posted by: michelezanini | January 11, 2013

2013 looks to be a challenging year

It has been an eternity since I my last blog and I am not sure if what I am about to write will make any sense at all but bear with me.

I feel lost, like I am circling around and getting nowhere fast. It is not as if I am not doing anything but what I am doing seems ineffective pain wise and MS wise (note I am still differentiating the two as I believe they are two separate issues). Yes, the hip pain may be caused by dragging MS legs but the pain is not simply neuropathic pain. The pain in my hip/back/groin/thigh however has become debilitating. It makes me weak and not able to do much of anything physical. Every movement is a chore. In December I succumbed to getting two cortisone shots, one in the eliopsoas bursa and the other in the greater trochanteric bursa. I had these shots a year ago and found they worked pretty well but was told by my physiotherapist to hold off as long as I could in between shots. The reason being cortisone is a steroid and over time could weaken these areas (like I am not weak now!).

I have been trying to stick to more natural methods to treat myself such chiropractics, acupuncture , massage, stretching and strengthening but no one thing has worked wonders. As the pain has gotten worse I tried pulse electromagnetic field therapy, which is a sweet possibility as it helped for a few hours but again not the be all to end all. Quite honestly there are not enough hours in my day to keep investing that much time and energy ($$ too) into one body part, especially when I have other body parts that need attention. I have not had time to do a full yoga practice for months. The pain has been so bad I do not even go near my bike, just looking at it hurts.

Did I mention the cortisone shots brought the pain down but only enough for me to realize how bad the rest of my hip feels. Clearly this is the year that I must get answers to my hip problem, not to forget the dog-gone MS, which by the way has been taking its toll on me too. My left hand is weak; so weak that writing and eating are challenging and embarrassing. I didn’t mind giving up clothes with buttons and I have gotten used to doing the grocery list on the computer (more so for Steve being able to read what we really need at the grocery store, he often comes home with surprise items where he guessed what my scribbles meant). Seriously though…I have never asked “why me, why do I have MS?” but now that it has come down to making me sloppy and messy, I have to ask “why my predominant hand?”. I love to eat, especially to dine out and try new foods. To me it is such a fun and fine social event but I hate being challenged by a simple knife and fork and not being able to appear like a proper lady!

On the bright side, it was an amazing Christmas. Fun filled, with lots of laughter, good food, precious family time and sweet memories made with dear friends. Over did it? Heck YAH! Paying the price; without a doubt…

Has this pain and other MS symptoms sent me over the edge? Have Christmas stressors and some new household stress done me in? Have the physically irritating and worsening MS symptoms been the straw that broke the camel’s back? Undoubtedly all factors contributing to the way I feel. The lack of sleep and the need to get back to work added more pressure. Quite literally and not like me, I CRASHED! Monday I was “a mess” which sounds like “MS” but as I have just described there is more to it.

I tried, but could not get into my doctor. The nurse at Health Link told me to seek emergency care. Poor Steve didn’t know what to do with whimpering, simpering me. We knew in our heads that there was not much they could do to help me at the hospital but our hearts had hope. Seven hours and two shots of morphine later I was sent home with a perfect hip according to the x-ray and no hip MRI (which is what we had actually hoped for as it was suggested to me earlier in December by the radiologist that injected one of my hip bursas). The hospital doctor’s recommendation (wait for it, wait, wait) was to visit my GP. NO KIDDING, like I didn’t think of that in the first place! The doc gave me two prescriptions, one for pain and one anti-inflammatory. I must admit the morphine seemed to break the pain cycle so I am continuing with the meds for now.

Am I at 54 years old, at a stage where I say quality of life versus quantity? Do I let the pain killers beat up the insides of my body because even as I am writing I feel somewhat nauseated? Yes there is less pain, not necessarily as good as I felt after the second shot of morphine but certainly better than I felt on Monday morning. The problem with the meds is I feel sweaty and queasy; to the point where I had to lay down on the cool office floor several times while working at home on my computer this week. The meds obviously don’t agree with me but I am not willing to let the pain get out of hand. I see my GP next Thursday. It will be a long week.

The fact remains I am moving slower, my steps are more laboured and deliberate, and we are not just talking age here! Sure it’s a factor but not the main issue. MS and pain are to blame. I am noticing more and more MS muscle spasticity in my legs and hips. It is very difficult to bring my knees up, my legs lock. It is frustrating to roll over in bed and scary to walk without fear of tripping on my feet. My walk-aides aren’t helping as much anymore. Again in order to stay sane, I must remember to celebrate I am still moving. For me staying mobile is not an option it is a MUST! I crawled when I was younger and I will crawl again if it will re-teach me how to walk. My motto…keep moving, keep pushing because even pained movement is better than none at all, unfortunately seeing me in pain is driving my hubby nuts. I have to find a happy medium for both our sakes.

To make my current situation even more interesting; the naturopath I visited when I went for pulse electro-magnetic field therapy has many thoughts surrounding diet, herbs and emotional components surrounding chronic disease. His bizarre testing (based on Dr. Dietrich Klinghardt’s methodology) showed I have 4 Lymes, fungi, parasites, plenty of toxic metals plus chlamydia pneumonia in my body. Odd enough, all things I have been researching of late.

So it seems, 2013 looks to be a challenging year. Once I get myself on an even keel, I will be exploring a few more possibilities to improve my health and I hope to be more consistent at keeping you abreast of the many, hopefully unfolding mysteries of living with MS.

Happy New Year,

Michele

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Responses

  1. Dearest Michelle and Steve,
    My thoughts and prayers are with you! Thank you for sharing this blog. My heart goes out to you and an truly admire your indomitable spirit.

    Barb

  2. Yea! She is writing again!

    Michelle, you will always “appear like a proper lady” to me…regardless of how many times you drop your fork! Being a “proper lady” is in the mind and not in the limitations of the body.

    You have my condolences on all the pain, not an easy thing to live with that is for sure. Shay lives with it constantly and we completely understand the balance between pills and the pain.

    Thanks for writing again.

    Peace

  3. Dearest Michelle, we lift both you and Steve up to the Lord in prayer….that he may bless you with a break through in that pain. You keep at that electro magnetic therapy, since i have had relief with “strong magnets” dispersing the pain. I am so glad you are writing again, and blogging your experience so we can all pray for you and of course “you know you help others” by sharing.
    God bless you and remember “for when i am weak is when i am strong”
    2 cor.12:10
    blessings, Teresa


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